I just realized today that I do a lot of things that, were I not a mother, might seem a little nuts. Like, there is a strong possibility someone might choose to institutionalize me.

I smell my food and check it thoroughly before consuming it. On Thursday I found a chocolate chip cookie that one of my kids PEED on. Never, ever, ever use the 5 Second Rule in my house unless you are 100% sure there is no urine present.

I clean my bathroom like I have OCD. Have you ever seen a 4 year old boy use the toilet? Well, they have the belief that their penis is a firehose. It’s fun to see if they can put out the fire. “The fire” is the back of the toilet, the hand towel, the bath tub, my toothbrush, the bath mat, and sometimes their sister. I am all for using “green”, earth friendly cleaners but in my bathroom I need BLEACH. Lots and lots of bleach.

I do the same things over and over again and expect different results each time. Case in point: Put your clothes in the hamper. Put your clothes in the hamper. Put your clothes in the hamper…

I am 28, but I watch Toy Story 3 at least twice a week. Even if the kids are in bed. It’s force of habit. Honestly.

If my house is quiet, I freak out. The children are clearly in to something and I need to figure out what it is NOW. I tear through the house in a panic… to find three children building train tracks. I look insane, but I am satisfied with the knowledge that were they drawing on the walls, I would have…still been too late.