I just recently realized that I am not the only parent out there with a healthy loathing for that whiny, bald Canadian and his irritating TV show. In fact, there are Facebook pages and websites devoted to the subject. I feel the need to jump on the bandwagon and tell you all why I can’t stand that show in a helpful and concise Top Ten list.
10. That voice. Oh. My. God. I am sure Anne Boviard is a very talented voice actress, but when I hear that Caillou voice on TV, I want to punch her in the throat. For some reason, the thing that irritates me the most is how she has him say the word “Clementine”. PS, Clementine? Really? And the whining. Could the kid possibly say something that is NOT a whine?
9. The narration. Who is this invisible cracked-out Grandma telling me Caillou’s inner thoughts? She need to go. She doesn’t even tell us she secretly thinks his parents should medicate him. What good is she then?
8. What a whiner. I have dealt with four year olds and, yeah, they whine. But, they also STOP whining and do other things. Caillou is a flat, boring, whining character. And he whines.
7. Those G-D puppets. In some episodes, there are vignettes with Caillou’s cat, turtle, and…I don’t know…teddy bear? Ferret? Whatever. Point being: the puppets have no real place in the story. And hearing them tack on their little “And me!” chorus on the theme song is just a disappointing reminder that I am in for a half an hour of whining. Mostly the whining is from Caillou, but sometimes I join in.
6. What kinds of drugs are Caillou’s parents on? They are always all Suzie Sunshine about EVERYTHING. They never get upset when Caillou runs in to traffic or builds a biological weapon in the backyard. At least throw me a “time out”, people.
5. The clothing. Yes, I realize they are Canadian but, there is no need for wool sweaters in summer. And Caillou’s dad needs a haircut. That mullet is getting out of control. I like hockey as much as the next person, but there is a time and place. Ice rink. 1992.
4. Why is he bald?? Are they skinheads? Does he have cancer? Is it common for 4 year olds to be as bald as cue balls? Well, at least he isn’t sporting his dad’s mullet yet.
3. No one loves their little sister that much. No one. My boys love their sister but even they try to beat the tar out of her occasionally. (Last night it was because of a magna-doodle they didn’t want to share.)
2. I was legitimately hoping Caillou was French for “whine-ass”, but apparently it means “pebble”. I am very disappointed in this. Very.
1. It’s streaming on Netflix and my children find it fascinating so I am obliged to watch it before school. When I was a kid we had Mr. Wizard and Fraggle Rock before school. Children’s television has become far less educational and far more whiny.